Sorry I'm Not Sorry

I flash you a smile, share a hug, laugh profusely, dance like a freakin' fool, sing out of tune, and hang on to what keeps me sane.  All of this is a description of my life.  I love where I'm at and how it includes all the people that make my world the riot that it is.  When I get out of bed I know that my day will be some sort of adventure; even if it's just laughing about nothing or genuinely smiling. 


It's been a couple weeks of insane studying--early mornings, late nights, interspersed with class and work. I'm not sure if it's the lack of sleep that is making me more reflective, but I've had my moments of daydreaming that are offering a lot of clarity. 


As I sit here in Moka (again) I can't help but think of what this year has given to me.  My happiness is effusive even if it doesn't always show.  I get tired and grumpy and a little gloomy, but when I stop to think about what I have I know I'm lucky.  I can't accommodate to everyone though; I don't have the willpower to be able to please everyone because that's unfair.  If I'm happy in an unselfish way, then why would I change to please one or two people?  I cannot handle being judged for every damn thing I do.  I will not conform to some status quo that one person has for me because I love my world, finally.  I have no complaints--well, besides about school. It's that time of the semester though, sorry. 


SO, I'm sorry I'm not sorry for being who I am or that I've changed.  I'm sorry I'm not sorry that my life has not been stagnant and stuck in the past.  I have changed into a better and more mature person than I was a year ago, and I think that's both a good thing and a normal thing.  Sure, I don't mind a little advice from friends, but what I value most is that my friends trust my judgement just as I trust theirs.  When they're honest with me they're not mean and don't jump to conclusions.  I have no problem weeding out the negative either.  I'm stronger than ever, please don't question that. 


[over and out]

THAT belongs to me, and other thoughts on Utah

Over a month has passed since Spring Break 2012.  I used to think of spring break as a week to work hard for a little more cash. Hey, no school, right?!  Money is always important, but let's not forget happiness as well. I usually stick with the realistic approach.  This time, I thought of adventure, something new, something beautiful--anything but La Crosse for a couple of days.  Gus and Burgandy put the fire under my ass, and I walked to Outdoor Connections and signed up to go to Utah.

I am an open person, willing to have a good time, and I love people.  I am shy at first though.  Sometimes it can be so frustrating, and I knew the beginning of this trip wouldn't be different.  Being with strangers was my first adventure.  I know I need to push myself to get to know new people, even if it is a little difficult at times. With a little help from Gus and Burgandy, I was able to overcome my shyness quickly.  Utah was the other adventure.  Both were, far and away, more successful than I could have imagined.  It took a couple of days to crawl out from behind my wall of shyness.  When I did I also started to discover how amazing all of the people are. We all had each other's backs.  A conversation wouldn't be complete without a song attached to it, and we all learned how to do push-ups like beasts.

  What an amazing week it was.  I count myself lucky to have the resources to take such a trip, and I am even luckier to have met the people that I did.

Thank you to everyone, especially two of the best friends ever, for having the week of a lifetime.

Worlds beyond here

"We read to know that we are not alone"   [C.S. Lewis]

As I take a break from my mundane writing, I turn to...writing. Naturally. I have this quote stuck in my head though, because it's pretty true.  Not everyone reads, I get it [thanks for reading this though], but once you start reading the more this quote makes sense.  

My relationship with books:

I have learned life lessons and truths from J.K. Rowling and her beautiful cast of characters.  Swirling in the midst of the madness, sadness, and adventurous story was the underlying theme of love and how it is the deepest form of magic.  Sure, Harry Potter isn't really real, but the story comes to life when the visions begin forming in my mind; when I begin riding along in the flying car or get emotionally invested in all the characters' well being.  

Then there was Shadow of the Wind; undoubtedly the best book I have ever read after Harry Potter.  Seriously, if a book can literally put me in tears, I think it deserves one or two more reads. The intricacy of the plot threw me into the streets of Barcelona and had me experiencing trials of Daniel Sempere. One of the best quotes I have ever heard--one that still gives me chills--is written in the introduction.  Zafon wrote a stunningly beautiful truth when he said that "few things leave a deeper mark on a reader than the first book that finds its way into his heart. Those first images, the echo of words we think we have left behind, accompany us throughout our lives and sculpt a palace in our memory to which, sooner or later—no matter how many books we read, how many worlds we discover, or how much we learn or forget—we will return"

Understand this: when life gets too hard and you just want to shut down, try seeking out a good book.  Reading is only a chore if you have the wrong attitude.  Each book holds a world unlike any you have ever witnessed; unlike anything you can experience elsewhere.  I've been to Middle Earth, Hogwarts, New York, Barcelona, and the Medieval Times.  I have dueled Death Eaters, witnessed my heroes die in battles for the betterment of mankind, and gone on missions to find elusive answers to life's harder questions.  At the end of the day,  reading is my therapy.  To enjoy something so precious is a wonderful thing.